


all i ever wanted.

by skywcys



Series: how do i tell you, i love you? [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ????? yes, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Making Out, Pining, Polyamory, Sexual Tension, a lot of pining, its gay, jaehyun has a lot of feelings, the johnil and yutae is super subtle but its there i assure you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 05:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18359891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skywcys/pseuds/skywcys
Summary: "Just choose one," Yuta supplied from the couch, eyes not leaving the television as his throws popcorn haphazardly into his mouth."I can't," is all Jaehyun says, "I don't want to."He wants them both.





	all i ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> this is somewhat a sequel to domestic? my johnil ficlet, but you don't need to read that one to understand this one lol
> 
> ALSO i switch between past and present tense a lot in this fic i'm sorry i'm trying to stop doing that jshdoawhdoawwho

Jaehyun had known what he had gotten himself into the moment Jungwoo had landed in his lap. Both tipsy and both incredibly horny. Jaehyun had pulled Jungwoo away from his lips by his hair and when Jungwoo had whined, staring Jaehyun down with glittery eyes. 

"I'm in love with Doyoung," Jaehyun had blurted out, chest still heaving, hands still tight on Jungwoo's hips.

"I know," Jungwoo replied, a small smirk playing on his lips, "That's okay."

And he kissed Jaehyun again, hips grinding down, hands in his hair.

Jaehyun groaned, his body shuddering at the sensation but he pulled away again nonetheless,  "Jungwoo-"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow," Jungwoo promises, sitting back upright, pulling his t-shirt over his shoulders.

The older boy gulps when Jungwoo's hair falls over his eyes, his lips a vibrant bitten-pink, his neck and shoulders incredibly bare and unblemished. Jaehyun wants to mark him so bad.

 _We'll take about it tomorrow_ , he assured himself, cupping the side of Jungwoo's face, letting any concerns he had gotten thrown out of the window as he brings the other boy down to kiss him.

 

///

 

It's early afternoon by the time Jaehyun's up and getting dressed. Sunlight is streaming through his blinds onto the bare back of Jungwoo who's still snoring into a pillow. From the angle that Jungwoo is lying, Jaehyun can see from of the hickeys he left curling around the side of his neck.

Something about the sight of it makes Jaehyun's lungs restrict and his heart feel warm.

He's fresh out of the shower, towelling at this hair when he comes back into his bedroom, and his startled by Jungwoo sitting upright in bed, sheets pooled around his hips, thumbs tapping away at his phone.

Jungwoo looked up at him, smiling awkwardly, "Hey."

"Good morning," Jaehyun tried to smile but it appeared more like a grimace, "About yesterday-"

"It doesn't have to change anything," Jungwoo giggled, patting the spot next to him on the bed, "You're in love with Doyoung, it's pretty obvious. I'm not expecting anything out of this."

Jaehyun sat himself down, "I'm not _in love_ with Doyoung."

Jungwoo gave him a pointed look.

"I have really strong feelings for him, yes," Jaehyun sighed, shuffling closer to sit on the other side of Jungwoo.

Jungwoo looked at him, a smile on his face that was obviously holding back a laugh, "Mhm," he let out a giggle, "This can easily just be a one-time thing. I'm not trying to get in the way of you and Doyoung getting together."

Brows furrowed, Jaehyun turned to look at him, "Doyoung and I are just friends. He doesn't see me that way."

Jungwoo scowled at him, eyebrows raised, "Seriously? Both of you go out on coffee dates every single Thursday morning."

"Those aren't dates," Jaehyun insisted, scrunching his nose, "We both have class in the same building on Thursday. We just meet up so we can walk together."

"So," Jungwoo smirked, "They aren't exclusive to only you and Doyoung then?"

"No?"

Jungwoo hummed, a mischievous look overtaking his face, but they don't discuss it further.

 

///

 

Jaehyun had ended up driving Jungwoo home that afternoon, but not before they both take a detour through a McDonald's drive-thru. The both of them sitting in Jaehyun's parked car throwing fries at each other and laughing about the night before.

About how Taeyong was a funny drunk but Yuta was an even funnier drunk. About how Taeil and Johnny had stumbled out of the bar together, an hour before anyone else did. About how sensitive Jungwoo's neck is when you kiss it. Laughing about anything.

He looked pretty, Jaehyun realized, wearing one of Jaehyun's plain black t-shirts and wearing the same pair of jeans he was wearing the night before. The shirt did absolutely nothing to hide the hickeys that were dark and blotchy below his ear. Simple and casual but pretty nonetheless.

Somewhere, between fries behind thrown and milkshake straws being flicked, the friendly energy turned itself into some weird form of tension and Jaehyun found himself leaning over the centre console of his car to lick into Jungwoo's mouth. His hand drifting from his cheek to playing with the ends of his hair.

The taste of strawberry milkshake on Jungwoo's tongue made Jaehyun shiver and whimper slightly, he can feel Jungwoo started to grin against his lips.

The sound of Jungwoo's knee smacking into the gear-stick is what made them pull away, both of them laughing into each other's shirts.

"God," Jaehyun giggled into Jungwoo's neck, "What are we doing?"

"I don't know," the younger replied, fiddling with Jaehyun's shirt sleeve, chin tucked over Jaehyun's shoulder, "It's nice."

Jaehyun pulled away slightly to look at Jungwoo's face questioningly. Jungwoo just smiled, cheeks bunching up and eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun.

"Kissing you," Jungwoo explained, tilting his head sideways, "It's nice."

"We should do it more often," he said without even thinking, leaning forward to capture Jungwoo's lips in another kiss, humming at the sensation.

Jungwoo frowned, "What?"

"I mean-" a wave of realization hit him, "You know what I mean."

Jungwoo had no idea what he meant.

"Kissing," he blurted out, ears turning red in embarrassment, "And stuff."

"And stuff," Jungwoo repeated, eyebrows furrowing.

They both sit there for a moment in an awkward silence. Jungwoo's still got his hands on him and he's pulled his lower lip between his teeth and it's the only thing that Jaehyun can focus on. Too nervous to open his mouth and elaborate on his way of thinking.

"Like friends with benefits," Jungwoo said out of the blue, startling Jaehyun out of his frozen state.

The younger boy met Jaehyun's stare curiously, like asking for Jaehyun's opinion.

"I- I don't know."

"I'd be fine with that," he admitted, pulling his hands away from Jaehyun and resting back into the passenger seat, "We could kiss. And _stuff,_ " Jungwoo smirked, eyes glinting with that familiar look of mischief.

Jaehyun found himself wanting to agree. But a part of his brain was just chanting _Doyoung_ over and over again.

"But-"

"It wouldn't get in the way of you and Doyoung," it's like Jungwoo can read his mind, " _I_ wouldn't get in the way."

Jaehyun still hesitates, swallowing nervously, debating it back and forth in his head.

"If anything happens, we can just call it off. Easy," Jungwoo smiled gently at him, tilting his head.

Jaehyun found himself smiling back, cheeks rosy, "Sounds like a good idea."

It was a _terrible_ idea.

 

///

 

It had been about two months since that conversation. Two whole months with occasional hookups with Jungwoo. Jaehyun and Jungwoo agreed to always go to Jungwoo's apartment, so Jaehyun's roommate Mark didn't have to see or deal with them. And since Jungwoo was roommateless, it seemed like the best option.

The real reason Jaehyun was reluctant to have Jungwoo over at his was the fear of Mark seeing something and then saying something. The idea of Doyoung finding out scared him. What if Doyoung thought they were dating? Any chance of him and Doyoung getting together would be completely thrown out of the window.

Other than that, this _thing_ with Jungwoo was nice.

Sometimes they didn't even end up having sex. Sometimes they'd just curl up on Jungwoo's couch and kiss slowly while TV played in the background. If Jaehyun was stressed from uni, he'd just come over to Jungwoo's house. Instead of fucking Jungwoo hard into a mattress, he'd find himself being dragged into the shower or into a bath, Jungwoo massaging his fingers through Jaehyun's hair.

Or if Jungwoo was just bored, he'd invite Jaehyun to come over and play board games with him.

The _benefits_ part of their whole agreement were not the benefits that Jaehyun had been expecting.

Sure, friends play board games together, and friends can have sex together, and friends can cuddle together. But it was the kissing that got Jaehyun the most confused. He constantly found himself wanting to kiss Jungwoo in the most normal situations, outside of making out and having sex.

Jaehyun should've known this would happen. He should've known that falling for Jungwoo was inevitable.

He had thought about it. That maybe this would lead him to have feelings for Jungwoo. But he thought that would also mean getting over his feelings for Doyoung.

But here he was. A Thursday morning. Sitting at a table for three with Doyoung and Jungwoo sitting in front of him. Jungwoo and Doyoung both talking avidly while Jaehyun looked at his plate as he chewed a chocolate chip muffin.

And Doyoung's gummy smile _still_ made his heart speed up in his chest.

Jungwoo and he had spent the night before together beforehand, and Jungwoo had politely asked if Jaehyun would drive him to campus so he could get some work done in at the library.

But when Jaehyun and Jungwoo had walked onto campus, Doyoung had spotted them both and invited Jungwoo to join them for their usual Thursday morning coffee date.

It was weird, to say the least. He felt like his two worlds were colliding with each other.

"When Jaehyun drinks his entire face goes all red," Jungwoo giggled, "It's _so cute_."

He heard Doyoung start giggling along with him, " _Yes_ , oh my god. It just makes you want to pinch his cheeks."

Jaehyun froze, snapped out of his thoughts. He hadn't been paying attention to anything that had been said.

When Jaehyun looked up from his plate, he felt his entire chest squeeze in awe of the two impeccably soft and beautiful men sitting before him.

Jungwoo and Doyoung were smiling at each other, Doyoung's laugh was loud and happy whilst Jungwoo's giggle was light and giddy. Then, their heads turned towards him, their smiles getting impossibly brighter, and Jaehyun could feel himself grinning.

"His ears are getting red now!" Jungwoo exclaimed, reaching his hand over to pinch at his ears.

Doyoung had thrown his head back and laughed harder, before leaning over to do the same thing. Jaehyun had to resist preening into their hands at the sign of physical affection.

Both of the men grinned at him, laughter still on their tongues, Doyoung's eyes sparkling softly and Jungwoo's glimmering cheekily.

 _God_ , Jaehyun thought as they put their hands back by their sides, _I want to kiss them both_.

And that's when he knew he was fucked.

 

///

 

"You like him, don't you?" Doyoung's voice startled him so bad that he almost tripped over a crack in the sidewalk.

"What?" Jaehyun had coughed, brushing nonexistent dirt off of his shirt, "Who?"

Doyoung glanced at him, grabbing Jaehyun's wrist and helping him avoid other students on the path, "Jungwoo."

Jaehyun then started choking, on nothing, " _What_?"

Smiling at Jaehyun with a knowing look, Doyoung said, "I see the way you look at him when he isn't looking. You just have his big dumb smile on your face and this look in your eye like he's hung the stars in the sky."

 _I look at you the same way_ , Jaehyun almost says out loud.

"I- I do not."

"You do," Doyoung hummed, smirking slightly, "It's cute. You even drove him to uni this morning-"

Jaehyun interjected immediately, "I spent the night at his place," he sputtered.

The older cocked a brow at him.

"Not like that!" Jaehyun insisted, ears and cheeks flaming, "We played battleship until 2am!"

 _And then made out for another hour_ , his brain helpfully supplied, _you stood in between Jungwoo's legs, with him propped up on his dining table, the battleship was long forgotten_. Jaehyun swallowed nervously at the memory.

Doyoung continued to smile knowingly, the entire walk to their building, but he didn't press further with the subject. But his hand moves from Jaehyun's wrist to his hand, their fingers intertwined.

Jaehyun's not sure if it's on purpose or not.

Either way, his heart stutters and his ears flush a deep red, a nervously fluttering feeling settling in Jaehyun's stomach. He's so, _so_ fucked.

 

///

 

"What do you even do when you have feelings for two people?" Jaehyun asked, faced squished between his hands.

He's leaning over Johnny's dining table, watching his older friend type away on his laptop. It's been about an hour and a half since he got there, and it's the first time he's opened his mouth other than to say hi and then groan when he plopped himself down in his seat.

Yuta and Taeyong are also there, curled up together on the couch, watching some anime that Yuta can’t stop running his mouth about. Taeil is sitting beside them, but he curled up into himself, not minding the couple displaying a serious amount of PDA besides him, eyes watching the TV intently.

Johnny sighed, halting his movements, "I don't know, dude."

Jaehyun pouted, slamming his head down onto the surface of the table and groaning.

Johnny is the only one who knows, _who_ exactly Jaehyun is referring too. No one else knows about his feelings with Doyoung or his feelings and _thing_ with Jungwoo. Although he thinks the former might be a little bit obvious then he may like to admit.

"Just choose one," Yuta supplied from the couch, eyes not leaving the television as his throws popcorn haphazardly into his mouth.

Something about that idea doesn't sit right with Jaehyun. He'd rather have neither of them than have to only choose one.

"I can't," is all Jaehyun says, "I don't want to."

"Poly," Taeyong supplied, throwing a glance over his shoulder.

Jaehyun paused, biting his lip, _poly?_

He had thought about it before, truthfully. Even before he had started liking Doyoung or Jungwoo, he had considered the possibility of ever been in a poly relationship. It had been a _what if_? that had floated around his brain one night however long ago.

Would they be okay with that? Would that weird them out? That Jaehyun wanted to date both of them?

God, Jaehyun didn't even know if either of the boys were into him like that. Well, he knew Jungwoo was into him, but he wasn't sure if it was  _romantically_ or just sexually.

 

///

 

Later that night, when he'd settled himself in Jungwoo's bed, in Jungwoo's arms, kissing Jungwoo's lips, all he could think about was Doyoung pressed up behind him kissing him too.

Doyoung's hands running down his sides while Jungwoo's hands cupped his face. Doyoung's lips pressing against the back of his neck whilst Jungwoo's lips sucked along the front. And then the image changed, and Doyoung was leaning over him to kiss Jungwoo, licking into his mouth.

Jaehyun had groaned into Jungwoo's mouth at the idea of it. And when Jaehyun had pulled back from the kiss opened his eyes, he felt guilty about it. About thinking of Doyoung being there with them, when Jungwoo was right there giving him attention at the moment.

"Goodnight," Jaehyun had said, and Jungwoo looked slightly confused.

Then Jaehyun had turned over, snuggling into the pillow.

He wanted to be with them so bad, it hurt. But he had no idea how he was going to ever bring up how he felt to either of them.

Jungwoo had slid an arm around Jaehyun's waist and buried his head in the back of Jaehyun's neck, and all Jaehyun could think about was Doyoung being there, on his other side. Doyoung, an arm resting over Jaehyun's waist, playing with Jungwoo's fingers who was on his other side. Doyoung tucked into Jaehyun's chest, with Jungwoo pressed against his back, the three of them all snoring contentedly in each other's embrace.

Jaehyun fell asleep dreaming of being in both man’s arms.

 

///

 

Falling in love with Doyoung was easy. Almost too easy. Doyoung had been almost a constant in his life for a few years now.

Jaehyun was introduced to him by Johnny, who was introduced to him by Taeil- Doyoung's roommate -at a group hang out at the local bar nearby campus. They had met, exchanged names, exchanged smiles, but they only exchanged numbers a few weeks after.

After becoming aware of Doyoung's existence, it became hard for Jaehyun not to notice him. At the coffee shop. On the sidewalk. In the block, Jaehyun had a class in. They went from strangers to friendly acquaintances to friends.

And soon Jaehyun was seeing Doyoung at least four different days a week. Whether it be intentional or not. It was sort of like they were destined to be friends.

Jaehyun saw Doyoung's face often enough but every time he ever saw him, he was always craving more. Friendly touches seemed to turn my flirty as time went on. The usual banter turned into suggesting remarks.

Or that's what Jaehyun thought and hoped, anyway.

He was never quite sure with Doyoung. One minute he's smirking at Jaehyun and squeezing his bicep, the next he's innocently smiling at him, hands completely off of him.

And sometimes Doyoung randomly holds his hand, their fingers loosely intertwined.

Like right now. Jaehyun and Doyoung had met up in their usual cafe, the older man had offered to read over one of Jaehyun's assignments and edit it for him. Doyoung went back and forth between picking up a red pen to scribble something down, to sipping his iced coffee through a straw.

But the entire time Doyoung had been editing, he'd always had his right hand intertwined with Jaehyun's.

Friend's held hands but he's not sure friends hold hands like _this_ , nor held hands this often.

Jaehyun doesn't mind. He's never minded. Too busy concentrating on the tingles that shoot up his spine every time Doyoung squeezes his hand. Too busy watching the way Doyoung mouths the words as he reads, the way his eyebrows furrow slightly and the way his eyes always seem to sparkle.

He's not exactly sure  _how_ he fell in love with Doyoung, or  _when_ it happened. He just is.

And apparently falling for another man wouldn't change that.

 

///

 

Seeing Jungwoo and Doyoung in the same place, talking to each other, is always weird for Jaehyun. But it's always a pleasant sight. And he can't ignore the way seeing the two of them together makes his heart tingle and his chest tight.

He's so, _so_ fond of the both of them.

They're both so pretty. In their own ways, of course. Their differences are partially probably what Jaehyun fell for. The way Doyoung's eyes always sparkle softly, whereas Jungwoo's always seemed to glitter and shine.

There was such a strange aura, around the both of them that made Jaehyun shiver when in both of their presences. Jaehyun's not sure if that's the infatuation he has with them talking. Or if it's something else completely.

It's a few hours into their fortnightly clubbing session when Jungwoo sits next to them.

Smiling sheepishly at Kun when he accidentally elbows him trying to get into Jaehyun's space. He hadn't talked to Jungwoo properly all night. They're all a few drinks in and Jaehyun's started to feel tired.

It's only when Jungwoo's hands brush up his thighs that he seems to snap out of his daze. Apparently, he had found staring at his empty glass quite wonderful entertainment.

Jungwoo's hands stop sliding up and down to give the tops of Jaehyun's thighs a harsh squeeze, the pretty boy's got his lip pulled between his teeth and his hair falling in his eyes.

In a lapse of judgement, Jaehyun does what he usually does. He brushes the hair from Jungwoo's eyes and pulls him into to kiss him. _Hard_.

It only takes Jungwoo a moment before he's practically in Jaehyun's lap, whining softly with his finger buried in the end's of Jaehyun's hair as the older one sucks on the skin of his neck slowly, his hands riding up Jungwoo's shirt as he touches the bare skin underneath.

When Jaehyun pulls away to start kissing Jungwoo's pretty bitten lips again that he notices it. The glazed over look in Jungwoo's eyes. He only looks back down at Jaehyun when he feels the others' movements stop.

Jaehyun throws a look over his shoulder, curious as to what Jungwoo's look at, and he meets Doyoung's eyes. Unfocused, but surely watching the way Jaehyun's hands slide from Jungwoo's waist to Jungwoo's ass, the latter moaning without a care at the feeling.

Doyoung swallows hard, and Jaehyun's eyes watch the way his throat bobs up and down before he feels the wonderful sensation of Jungwoo nibbling on his jaw while he scraps his nails down his chest.

"Do you like it when he watches you? Watches _us?"_ Yes, _yes._

The way Jaehyun shudders and moans seem to satisfy Jungwoo, he can feel him smirking against his neck. Jaehyun can feel his dick getting harder at the way Doyoung licks his lips and the way Jungwoo grinds down on him.

Doyoung seems to snap out of whatever trance he's in. Because one minute he's staring at Jaehyun and Jungwoo like he either wants to kill them or fuck them and the next he's saying something to Ten and he's weaving his way out through the crowd.

The boy on top of him doesn't give him enough time to be disappointed, because a gentle hand on Jaehyun's crotch has him turning back to Jungwoo, to pull him into a bruising kiss.

 

///

 

"I'm sorry," is the first thing Jaehyun hears when he wanders out into Jungwoo's kitchen, nursing a slight handover.

Jaehyun tilts his head questioningly, "About what?"

"Kissing you in front of Doyoung," Jungwoo slides him a cup of coffee, but he's looking at his own mug, trying to avoid Jaehyun's eyes, "You didn't want him to know about this. I went too far."

"No," Jaehyun assures him, smiling at him when Jungwoo looks up at him in surprise, "It's fine. He would've found out eventually. Plus-"

The, _I enjoyed it_ , goes left unsaid. But the way Jungwoo's lips turn up in a slight smirk, he knows that he gets it.

"Do you think about me?" the smirk on Jungwoo's face is suggestive.

"All of the time," Jaehyun says.

Jaehyun hopes the softness of his voice doesn't give away the fact that he doesn't just mean sexually.

"Me too," Jungwoo admits, leaning himself against his kitchen counter, "Sometimes I think about Doyoung with us too."

He spills coffee all over himself and the counter, eyes wide and cheeks red, "Like a threesome?"

Jungwoo looks hesitant to answer as he starts wiping down the table, "Together."

Together. _Together?_ What does that mean? Does that mean what he hopes he means?

"Sometimes I have dreams, that you, him and I, we-" Jungwoo swallows nervously, eyes flitting up to meet Jaehyun's for a quick moment before looking back down again, "Go on dates. And kiss. And cuddle. Are _together_.”

Jaehyun's heart is beating a million miles per minute in his chest.

"Me too," he blurts out without even thinking it over.

They stare at each other for a solid five minutes. Neither of them knows quite what to say. It's the ringing alarm on Jaehyun's phone that shocks them out of whatever strange silence they'd put themselves into.

"You-"

"I-"

Jaehyun nods slightly at Jungwoo, to let him know that he can speak first.

"You think about Doyoung and.." Jungwoo nibbles on his lower lip, "Me? Romantically?"

He feels a little guilty like he's been lying to Jungwoo the majority of the time they've slept together, "Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," is all Jungwoo says, "I do too. All of the time. I had a slight crush on you before we started hooking up but then I met Doyoung and I just _got it_. He's so-"

"Incredible?"

"Yeah," Jungwoo laughs shyly, as he comes to sit beside Jaehyun in front of the kitchen counter.

"I don't know when I fell for you, I just did," Jaehyun admits out loud, "It was the same with Doyoung. One day I just looked at you and my insides just started shaking at how happy you made me."

Jungwoo's laugh is louder now, he's shaken his hair into his eyes again, and instinctively he's moving Jungwoo's hair back behind his ears. And then he's leaning over to capture Jungwoo's lips with his.

This time, when their lips touch it feels different, it feels light and soft and it feels a lot like love.

The flush on Jungwoo's cheeks, when they pull away, is evident and it makes Jaehyun's heart vibrate violently in his chest. Soon, they're both back, giggling into each other's mouths, Jungwoo's hands cupping Jaehyun's bright red ears, slowly but surely they're backing towards the couch.

Jaehyun finds himself sitting in Jungwoo's lap, a few minutes of slow kissing later, contentedly smiling into Jungwoo's hair, playing with the other's fingers lazily.

"What are we now?" Jungwoo whispers from under him, tilting his chin up so their noses touch briefly, his eye's holding Jaehyun's soft stare. 

Jaehyun's not sure how to answer him.

 

///

 

Meeting up with Doyoung the following Thursday was awkward, to say the least. They hadn't talked since the other night until Doyoung had sent a text clarifying if Jaehyun would be at their usual spot at their usual time.

He and Jungwoo were complicated, less complicated than before but still complicated nonetheless. Jaehyun couldn't jump into a relationship with Jungwoo, not when he still felt so strongly about Doyoung. Jungwoo, as usual, was understanding. Seeing as he also had feelings for Doyoung, that wasn't surprising.

Jungwoo had smiled at him, giving him a peck on the underside of his jaw, nodding along to everything Jaehyun had said. Whatever they had between them wasn't necessarily official- _yet_ -but it was  _something_.

He just didn't know how to tell Doyoung.

Jungwoo and he had decided not to label themselves as  _boyfriends_ until after they talked to Doyoung together. But Jungwoo wasn't here today. It was just Doyoung, him and their usual cups of coffees. And an unusual silence between them.

Neither of them seemed to know how to start a conversation. Jaehyun kept finding himself with his mouth fallen open like he had something to say, but he could never find the right words. Doyoung was nervously tapping his foot and sipping on his coffee, his frantically searching for anything other than Jaehyun to look at.

"So," Doyoung said, settling his cup of coffee back down on the table, "There _is_ something going on between you and Jungwoo."

It's not like Jaehyun could deny it, even if he wanted to. Doyoung was right there, watching them at the club with Jungwoo perched in Jaehyun's lap, tongue on each other's bodies and down each other's throats.

"Yeah," is all Jaehyun could say, looking like a guilty puppy with its ears tucked on its head.

Doyoung doesn't say anything after that, he just pressing the home button on his phone and glances at the time before picking his coffee back up to take a swig. Jaehyun's heart is beating erratically out of anxiety, wondering if Doyoung might just pick up his bag and walk out of the cafe.

"We're not boyfriends," the  _yet_ goes unsaid, but the way a tiny smile takes place on Jaehyun's face for a moment before it quickly disappears is enough for Doyoung to get the idea.

The older man looks like he has questions, but he looks nervous to ask them out loud, "You- How long have you been-"

"We've been hooking up for a couple of months," Jaehyun supplies, hoping that's the answer to the question Doyoung was trying to spit out.

Doyoung's eyes widen slightly, his mouth dropping open before whispering out, "A couple of _months._ "

He's got his hand around his backpack strap in seconds, pulling it up and over his shoulder, his coffee cup in his other hand. It only takes Jaehyun a moment before his up and out of his seat trying to grab onto Doyoung before he can walk out.

When Jaehyun snags a hand on Doyoung's shoulder, the older man spins around to face him looking something between devastated and horrified, "I'm going to be late to class."

Jaehyun glances at the clock on the cafe wall before meeting Doyoung's shaking eyes, "You're class doesn't start for another half an hour."

"I have to go," Doyoung shakes his head, turning away from him and out the door.

Jaehyun doesn't know what else to do other than to sit back down, so he slumps in his chair and puts his head in his hands and sighs. He knew it'd be difficult to tell Doyoung, at least on his end, but he didn't expect Doyoung to react that way. Not in a million years.

 

///

 

Jaehyun doesn't try to find or talk to Doyoung until his classes are over, hoping Doyoung might approach him himself, or at least call or text him. But Doyoung doesn't, so here he is, wandering Doyoung's apartment complex in hope of cornering the man.

"It was weird," Jaehyun says over the phone, hand maneuvering his phone between his ear and shoulder, "He looked so disgusted. But not at me? Does that make sense?"

Jungwoo laughs a little bit, " _Yes, that makes sense. You're on your way to see him now_?"

"I'm in the elevator of his apartment complex," Jaehyun nods to himself, pressing Doyoung's floor number before taking a step back into the middle of the elevator, "It was so  _weird_ , Woo. I've never seen him look like that before. I don't know if it was something I did or _what_."

" _Do you want me to come over there too_?"

Jaehyun's silent as he thinks, watching the number of floor tick by above the elevator doors. It's only when the elevator dings and the door slides open that he realizes he hasn't answered Jungwoo's question.

" _I'll take that as a no_ ," Jungwoo giggles on the other end of the line _._

"Sorry," Jaehyun pouts, eyes watching the apartment numbers as he strolls the hallways, "I just, I feel like I need to talk to him first."

He pauses, standing in front of Doyoung's apartment, biting his lip.

"I'm here," he says, "I gotta go. See you later, baby."

Before Jaehyun hands up the phone, he hears Jungwoo breath out, " _Baby_?"

"You don't like it?" which Jaehyun knows is a lie, Jungwoo loves being called baby, he knows from experience.

" _You've never called me that outside of sex before_ ," Jungwoo clarifies, but he doesn't sound upset.

"Oh," is all Jaehyun can muster.

"I'll talk to you later," Jungwoo laughs, and Jaehyun can picture the large smile on the boy's face, "Okay, _baby_?" he teases one last time before he hands up the phone.

Jaehyun can't wipe the fond grin that overtakes his face, but it completely falls away when an angry man opens the front door to Doyoung's apartment and glares at him.

"He isn't here," the small man scowls, one hand still tight on the doorknob and the other on his hip, "Go away."

"Ten," Jaehyun groans, running his hand through his hair and pulling on the ends in frustration, "You don't even live here. And I doubt you're here for Taeil's company," the deep scowl on Ten's face somehow gets even deeper, "I don't even know why he's mad at me."

Ten hesitates before pulling the door open all the way and letting Jaehyun past, but he's got his hand on Jaehyun's wrist as soon as he's shut the door and pulling him back around to face him.

"He isn't mad at you," is all he says.

"Something I said upset him. I just want to know _what_ and _why,_ " when Jaehyun's finished explaining himself, Ten drops his wrist.

When Jaehyun peaks his head into Doyoung's bedroom, he spots Doyoung immediately, just a big lump under his duvet. His dark hair is poking out and his sniffling and mumbling something into his pillow, which happens to be Kun.

Kun's got Doyoung's head on his chest and Jaehyun tries not to be bothered by it but he can't help but wish it were him in that position. With Doyoung in his arms, lying on his chest and holding his hands.

Somehow Kun hasn't looked up from where his murmuring things into Doyoung's hair, one hand running through his hair and the other squeezing Doyoung's hand.

Neither of them notice him until he hears, " _I liked him so much_ -" and then his crashing into the doorway falling on his face onto the floor of Doyoung's bedroom.

When Jaehyun gets himself back up, he looks more scared than sheepish. Kun looks like he wants to laugh but Doyounglooks absolutely terrified.

"How much of that did you hear?" is the first thing that comes out of Doyoung's mouth.

He's sitting up straight now, staring at him, looking horrified at the fact that not only was Jaehyun here but Jaehyun possibly heard something he had said.

"Not much," Doyoung squints his eyes disbelievingly, "Not much, I swear!"

Kun's made his way out of the room during the deadly awkwardly silence that ensues, to join Ten back in the kitchen most likely. But all Jaehyun's worried about is the way Doyoung is looking at him.

"Ten let you in?" Doyoung looks exasperated and annoyed as he falls back against his mattress, "Seriously?

Jaehyun ignores him, sitting himself down on the end of his bed, "I don't understand what I said or did to make you upset with me, but I'm sorry."

Doyoung closes his eyes and sighs, "Why didn't you ever saying anything?"

"About what?"

"About you and Jungwoo dating the last few months?" Doyoung opens his eyes to meet Jaehyun's confused and upset stare, "I've been flirting with you for months. Not once did you tell me to stop."

_Flirting?_

So Jaehyun wasn't reading too much into things? All those touches, all that banter, that _was_ Doyoung flirting with him?

Jaehyun sputters, "You were flirting with me?"

Doyoung just stares at him.

"Wait-" Jaehyun lips turn down into a hard frown, “Jungwoo and I weren't dating. I made sure to tell you that. We've been hooking up. That's all."

"So it's not romantic?" snorting, Doyoung raises his eyebrows.

Hesitating, Jaehyun opens and closes his mouth a few times, "It is. Kinda. I don't  _know._ I can't figure out how to explain this to you."

How does Jaehyun say he has feelings for Jungwoo while having feelings for Doyoung too? How could he ever possibly explain that?

"Me and Jungwoo starting hooking up a while ago, it wasn't supposed to be anything serious. He knew I had feelings for you and that it wouldn't change-" Jaehyun presses his lips together in a tight line, realizing what he had admitted out loud, "Uhhhh.."

"You had feelings for me?" Doyoung's bottom lip is quivering despite how hard he's biting down on it.

" _Have_ ," Jaehyun emphasizes, "Feelings for you."

"But Jungwoo-"

"Jungwoo knows," Jaehyun shrugs his shoulders slightly, "He knows I have feelings for the both of you. That I like the both of you."

"The both of us," Doyoung says, eyebrows furrowing.

Jaehyun licks his lips and runs his hands through his hair anxiously, "Yeah."

Doyoung looks frazzled, "The both of us," he says again, "You want to date the both of us?"

Not trusting his voice not to shake, Jaehyun just nods slightly, looking down at his hands and picking at his fingernails.

What if Doyoung kicks him out? What if he called Jaehyun insatiable? What if he called Jaehyun selfish? What if Doyoung didn't have feelings for him but only for Jungwoo?

"Jaehyun, I-" Doyoung cuts himself off and swallows roughly, "Like polyamory? You want to date both Jungwoo and me?"

Jaehyun's eyes light up, his mouth twitching excitedly, "Yes! I want us all to be boyfriends."

The look on Doyoung's face made Jaehyun's smile fall and his eyes dim. His eyebrows were pinched and his frown was evident and it made Jaehyun's stomach feel like a black-hole.

"All of us to date?" Doyoung asks, eyes searching Jaehyun's face, "Me to date you, you to date Jungwoo and Jungwoo to date me?"

The tone in Doyoung's voice keeps him from nodding, but by judging his reaction he knows that Doyoung can tell what he's thinking.

Doyoung reaches a hand across his duvet to clutch Jaehyun's hand, "I like you Jaehyun, I really do," Jaehyun's eyes darken and shine with on-coming tears, "But I don't like Jungwoo like that."

A part of Jaehyun's heart breaks.

Confused and overwhelmed, Jaehyun stands from the bed, giving Doyoung a wet smile and dropping the other man's hand back onto the bed before leaving him there. He walks out into Doyoung's living space, sparing no mind to Kun and Ten huddled close together at the kitchen bench.

Despite Ten's confused yelling and Kun's caring calls out for him, he leaves the apartment pulling out his phone from his back pocket, eyes immediately catching onto text notifications from Jungwoo.

It's only when the doors to the elevator close that Jaehyun lets his frustrated tears fall.

 

///

 

Not even an hour later he's in bed with Jungwoo, spilling everything and explaining to the best of his ability through his choked sobs. He feels bad for telling Jungwoo like he might break him when he says that Doyoung doesn't feel the same for him.

Jungwoo doesn't say much, he just nods and listens and smiles every now and then but Jaehyun knows him well enough to recognize the familiar glittery look in his eye that only appears when he's close to tears.

"It's fine," is all Jungwoo says, his voice surprisingly stable and his embrace warm, "He can be your boyfriend."

Jaehyun shakes his head, snot and tears wetting Jungwoo's shirt, "I don't want just him. I want you both."

Jungwoo just smiled sadly at him and ran a hand through Jaehyun's hair just the way he liked it, "He said that was okay. That you could date me and still date him. It's _fine,_ " Jungwoo continues to reassure him.

No, no, _no._ It wasn't fine. Jaehyun didn't just want both, he wanted them to have each other. He didn't want to go out on separate dates and have separate sleepovers.

He wanted them all to go out on dates together. He wanted them to all sleepover together. He wanted them to cuddle together. He wanted them to make out together. He wanted to hold each of their hands and he wanted to take turns giving them both kisses all at once.

The idea of having them both but separately felt wrong. But he couldn't force Doyoung into having feelings for Jungwoo as well.

He falls asleep there, in Jungwoo's arms, practically lying on top of the younger. He's lazily kissing Jungwoo's neck as his eyes flutter closed. His arms circling and tightening around Jungwoo's hips, the latter's arms around his shoulders.

Jaehyun dreams of the three of them together, smiling, laughing, _in love_.

 

///

 

Jaehyun doesn't mean to do it, but he does. He ignores Doyoung for the entire week after that. Heartbroken on Jungwoo's behalf.

He finds himself on his way to the cafe the following Thursday as if he's on autopilot. He supposes old habits die hard. Not once does he think Doyoung will show up, but there he is. Doyoung sits in front of him, swallowed by a blue knitted sweater that made Jaehyun's heart jump in adoration.

Just like the last time they were sitting there, it's silent. Awkward and the tension is high.

Unlike the last time though, Jaehyun doesn't feel like talking.

Doyoung is surprisingly the one to break the silence, "Are you and Jungwoo together now?"

Honestly, Jaehyun doesn't want to answer. He just wants to sip his coffee and then leave as soon as he has to, but he doesn't want to make things any worse between his relationship with Doyoung.

So he nods, a smile taking form in a grimace, "He's my boyfriend, yeah."

Doyoung nods, a tiny awkwardly smile on his face, "That's nice," he takes a deep breath before starting again, "When you said you wanted us all to date each other-" Jaehyun's throat tightens painfully, "-is that because Jungwoo also has feelings for me?"

Jaehyun swallows roughly, meeting Doyoung's eyes to somewhat glare at him, "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know," he says again, his frown deepening, "It was just some stupid idea I had I guess."

Doyoung looks like he wants to object, but he's interrupted by the bell by the door shrilling loudly, Jungwoo's figure falling through looking dishevelled. He's got Jaehyun's bright green binder in his arms, and Jaehyun feels his eyes widening in relief.

"Oh my god, baby," Jaehyun's dimples make an appearance as he smiles, "I completely forgot that I left it at your place, thank you so much."

Jaehyun stands and meets Jungwoo in a kiss, when Jungwoo's eyes open and he meets Doyoung's stare of Jaehyun's shoulder he pushes himself away, looking embarrassed and guilty.

"Doyoung, hi," Jungwoo smiles awkwardly, placing Jaehyun's binder down, "It's nice to see you."

"You didn't return any of my texts," Doyoung looks upset as he looks down at his hands, fiddling his thumbs.

Jaehyun's face scrunches up, "What texts?"

Jungwoo hadn't mentioned any texts. Jungwoo hadn't mention hearing from Doyoung at all.

"Sorry," is all Jungwoo has to say for himself.

"If we're going to be sharing a boyfriend, we should at least talk about it," Doyoung's chewing on the inside of his cheek, a sad look taking over his eyes.

Jaehyun snaps his head to look at Doyoung, "What?"

Doyoung's mouth drops open like he had said something he hadn't meant to.

"You don't, uh, wanna be my boyfriend anymore?" Doyoung asks, sheepishly, and Jaehyun can recognize the gleam of sadness that shines from Doyoung's irises.

Jungwoo doesn't look like he wants to be there anymore, but Jaehyun grabs a hold of his hips and pulls him down into his lap, using Jungwoo as his own personal security blanket.

"He does," Jungwoo answers for him, "Jaehyun's adored you for years."

Doyoung watches Jungwoo speak before making eye contact with him again, and Jaehyun wishes the ground would swallow him whole.

"I want to be your boyfriend," Doyoung whispers, "If it's okay with you."

Half of Jaehyun's heart is rejoicing but the other half feels like it's wilting. Doyoung lays a hand out on the table which Jaehyun reaches out to hold, and they smile at each other, real and happy smiles.

But as Jaehyun and Doyoung's hands tighten around each other, he looks away to stare up at Jungwoo's face, which as always remains as calm and collected as possible. Yet Jaehyun can feel how Jungwoo's body has seized up in his lap, and his smile drops almost as fast as it came.

No matter how ecstatic he was being their boyfriend, it just wasn't the same. It wasn't what he wanted.

 

///

The switch from friends to boyfriends wasn't that complicated but it sure was difficult. If Jaehyun thought pining was hard, juggling two boyfriends was harder. He had to schedule them around the other, try and avoid conflict. He felt guilty, kissing Doyoung if Jungwoo was near.

After a few troublesome weeks trying to get used to scheduling around his boyfriends, it happened.

Jungwoo and Jaehyun had been in Jaehyun's apartment, the rare opportunity of having his place empty seemed like a great time to get Jungwoo on his lap or on his knees. An hour or so before, he had thoughtlessly texted Doyoung that he was spending the weekend alone at his place.

He hadn't expected Doyoung to show up, steaming dinner in his arms.

Jaehyun couldn't refuse and turn him away, so he let him in, gulping nervously when he made eye contact with Jungwoo who was pulling his shirt back over his head, covering up the bright blemishes that were fresh on his skin.

Hair a mess and lips have been bitten pink, both of them sat down at the Jaehyun's small dining table with Doyoung dolled out the food between all three of them.

By some miracle, the three of them had made small talk without many awkward pauses. Jungwoo made Doyoung laugh so hard he almost had soup coming from his nose, and Doyoung made Jungwoo choke on his noodles with a snarky remark.

Jaehyun couldn't help the massive dimpled smile that lit up his face, his ears bleeding red with affection. This is what he had dreamt of. This is what he wanted.

It was only when both of the other boys reached out to pinch one of his ears at the same time that it became slightly weird. Both Jungwoo and Doyoung had made eye contact with each other, both with their lips parted in surprised before they burst with giggles.

"I think I have feelings for Jungwoo," Doyoung dropped the bombshell thirty minutes later, both of them curled up on Jaehyun's couch.

Jungwoo had left a few minutes earlier to go down the street and buy them some beer. Doyoung had tried to insist that he should be the one to go, but with a fleeting touch to his hand, Jungwoo had smiled at him and shooed him towards the couch.

Jaehyun looks at the back of Doyoung's head incredulously, waiting for Doyoung to turn his head and say sike.

"I wanted to hold his hand before," Doyoung snorts, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans back against Jaehyun's chest, "I don't know why I'm only realizing now."

Still unable to fathom what Doyoung's saying, Jaehyun remains shocked into silence.

"When I saw you two all over each other at the club, I thought I was jealous," the older admits, sighing, "I don't think I was jealous. I think I felt left out."

Jaehyun kisses the back of Doyoung's head but doesn't respond once again. He doesn't want to interrupt Doyoung's revelation.

"Something about being with the two of you feels different," Doyoung pauses, craning his neck to meet Jaehyun's soft adoring eyes, "It feels good. It feels _better_."

"I know what you mean," Jaehyun agrees, hands rubbing the bare sliver of skin at Doyoung's waist, "I know how you feel. I dream about it all the time. All of us together."

Doyoung's eyes gleam, "It sounds lovely."

"It is," he tucks his head over Doyoung's shoulder, "Sometimes I wish I didn't have to wake up."

"Maybe it doesn't have to be a dream,"

Jaehyun waits for Doyoung to continue, but he leaves the rest of the sentence hanging in the air, unsaid.

 

///

They don't talk about it again, but every time he sees one of his boyfriend's it's all he can think about. He's not sure what Doyoung's going to do, or if he's going to do anything about his feelings at all. And after a few days, Jaehyun finds himself giving up again.

But then one afternoon, he's letting himself into Jungwoo's place, and instead of Jungwoo in front of the television- which is turned on and playing NCIS reruns -he finds two shirts discarded.

Jaehyun doesn't want to assume anything too quickly. Maybe Jungwoo just forgot to put two of his shirts- one of which is distinctly smaller than the other -in the wash.

He doesn't hear anything, which is what's confusing him the most. The TV is on mute, and the rest of the apartment is eerily silent. Shutting the door quickly, Jaehyun makes his way into Jungwoo's bedroom, and the sight he sees makes his heart swell in his chest.

Doyoung and Jungwoo are curled up on top of Jungwoo's duvet. Jungwoo's snoring slightly, which indicates he's asleep, but Doyoung's eyes flutter open when he hears Jaehyun make a floorboard creak.

He opens his mouth in horror, looking guilty and worried, hands escaping from Jungwoo's frame to cover his chest.

Jaehyun just smiles at him, dropping his backpack on the floor and reaching to pull his own shirt over his head. He joins them on the bed, it rocking as he lands on the mattress, slotting his arm's around Jungwoo's waist and grabbing a hold of one of Doyoung's hands.

"Hi there, my loves," he giggles, dimples on his cheeks and stars in his eyes.

Jungwoo mumbles something unintelligible, snuggling back into Jaehyun's chest, "Mmm, what's going on?" his eyes blink open slowly, squinting at Doyoung before realizing Jaehyun's arms are around him, "Oh."

"I told him," Doyoung still looks like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't have, "We kissed- I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Jaehyun pouts, pulling Doyoung by his wrists closer to Jungwoo and his' bodies, "This is all I ever wanted."

Jungwoo sleepily giggles, turning his head to press a kiss to Jaehyun's shoulder before turning back to kiss Doyoung's collarbone. Then he grins lazily up at Doyoung through his lashes before taking his hands and pulling Doyoung down by his neck to kiss him.

Doyoung moans instantly, Jungwoo's nails dragging down his neck, past his collarbones to his chest. Jaehyun sucks gently on the spot behind Jungwoo's ear that makes him shiver. Jaehyun and Doyoung hold onto each other by their hands.

This is all he ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed even though it was 8k+ of mess
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ncteabag) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/ncteabag)


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